Am I a Cross-Dresser?


man wearing green floral lingerie and stockings

 

You may have noticed a whole new section on our website and you may be wondering what is going on…

 

We are constantly reviewing, thinking and analysing what we are doing and how we are meeting the needs of our customers. We have to do this in order to keep going, to keep Moot afloat in these really challenging times for small businesses. We cannot afford to stand still and we don’t want to assume that we have all the answers; we are learning all the time and part of that learning involves understanding ourselves. 

 

It has recently dawned on me that despite the very best intentions, and the very hardest thinking that I can muster up, in-between checking stock, posting things, and dealing with all the metal work of the downstairs business, I might have been missing something huge here. 

 

I will never forget the day when I was fitting up some metal retail fixtures in a small village lingerie shop and the owner, in talking to me about the beautiful pieces, told me that there was enough local business for her to open the shop regularly in the evenings for men to come and select lingerie for themselves. She quipped with me that men had nothing as beautiful made for them.

 

So that was it, I knew I loved the look of lingerie and to be honest, I had always looked on fabulous websites like AP and Honey Birdette and imagined how wonderful it would be to dress myself in something so magnificent, but I never wanted to swipe my wife’s things, they belong to her and I never thought of myself as a cross-dresser, I simply wanted something of my own. And surely,  if there were enough guys daring to come face to face with a small village lingerie retailer, then there would be enough guys who would be looking for lingerie in a safe place online.

 

As an online customer myself, I soon found the site XDress, and I was able to buy underwear that was specifically created with my shape in mind, but with the visual ‘language’ I was yearning for. I didn’t wholly feel like an XDress guy though, and I didn’t feel particularly represented in their styling and imagery. 

 

I started drawing my own ideas, I dared to share my thoughts with those closest to me and Moot was born. I was excited about being able to bring the aesthetic of lingerie to the masculine form, in celebration of the masculine and not diminishing that in any way. I was so excited about the idea of establishing an equity of experience, of making the important point that if this is OK on one sort of body, why on earth is it so shamed and ridiculed on another? 

 

I have found myself getting further and further into this ‘crusade’ (if that’s the right word) for the right to be allowed to wear what you want, and it’s given me a whole new perspective on what it feels like to be in a group which is slightly marginalised, which, as a straight white man in the pleasant South East of England, is not a feeling I have ever had to deal with. 

 

But a blog on men’s lingerie that we read during some research time at work a couple of weeks ago, struck a tricky chord for me and made me look at everything I have been doing in a whole new light. Have I completely missed the point here? Have I failed to be as deeply honest as I could be with myself, and with my customers? And have I misunderstood most of the emotional draw for the guys who want to buy lingerie? 

 

The blog started out on familiar ground, all the things that I talk about; the right for any shaped body, any gender, any person to have the option to wear beautiful lingerie if that’s their preference. It agreed with me on the importance of breaking down barriers and shame, but it then went on to acknowledge the fact that simply BECAUSE it is ‘not allowed’ and because it is taboo and because it is ‘naughty’ - therein lies the frisson of pleasure, the thrill that the wearer is seeking. 

 

If we were in a world where there was absolutely no barrier whatsoever to men wearing the prettiest knickers, would it carry such pleasure? Women, who have unquestioned access to lingerie, most frequently don’t choose it - opting for more practical and comfortable ways to dress. Most men I hear from, who want the lingerie look, opt for the most strappy, bow-covered, lacy, dressy pieces that they can get.  WIth Moot, I have been creating pieces that fit masculine bodies really well, elegant and sophisticated looks with exceptional materials in the best way that I can. 

 

But, they are not women’s knickers. They are different. 

 

And maybe, this is why it’s just been a bit too quiet for comfort here. We know we have an excellent product, but if you are drawn to lingerie because you’re a thrill-seeker looking to be a little bit naughty, if you are the kind of person who, when someone says, ‘Don’t look over that wall” just HAS to peek over the wall, if you are actually looking for secret silkies and naughty knickers, then the whole point of your lingerie experience might be to NOT fit into it your knickers perfectly! 

You might want the fact that it was created and marketed at women and you are being a bit of a rebel for sneaking it over to your life and for daring to get it on. 

 

I have been playing with this idea. I have spent the past week, as an exercise, wearing only ‘women’s’ underwear, rather than my own Moot designs and trying to work out what emotions and feelings this brings up. They are definitely less comfy. Bits definitely poke out and other bits dig in. But I do get the thrill. It’s a transgression from, even my, norm. Fundamentally, I have been wearing women’s knickers and I need to acknowledge the power of the thrill that this provides. I need to admit that there is a power to this emotion response. 

 

So, am I a cross dresser? Maybe I am. Maybe I am a cross dresser because I do like wearing women’s clothing. I have no desire to wear women’s outer clothing, and that has always felt like the reason I have never seen myself as a cross dresser, but I like some parts of what has been labelled as ‘women’s’ and I can admit that without fear. 

 

In light of this big emotional breakthrough, and in us trying our best to find the right combination of products for the people who like Moot, we have created a collection to test the water here. We have selected some pieces stocked by a lingerie wholesaler based in the north of England, we have chosen the pieces that we think you might like based upon the many questions and requests that we receive for pink, for silky fabrics, for babydolls and camisoles and pretty blues. 

 

We know that there will be some customers who are not interested in the femme collection, and for that reason, it is entirely separate on the website and the pieces do not feature in any other collection. You only get to them one way. 

 

For those of you who love the collection, we really hope that we will serve you well with a combination of our fantastic own brand designs, made to fit perfectly and tailored specifically for your body, and a bit of pleasure and fun with the Touch of Femme collection for when you’re not looking for the masc fit, when you just want to ‘give yourself over to absolute pleasure’, as Richard O’Brien wrote for The Rocky Horror Show:

 

‘Whatever happened to Fay Wray?

That delicate satin draped frame

As it clung to her thigh

How I started to cry

'Cause I wanted to be dressed just the same

… Give yourself over to absolute pleasure

Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh

Erotic nightmares beyond any measure

And sensual daydreams to treasure forever..’

 

 

 

 

 

 


6 comments


  • Rain

    Thank you. Very interesting read and I now understand my urge to wear seductive clothing far better than yesterday. I’ll give you another side to the story. I just had a discussion with a lady who ENJOYS wearing stiletto heels and hosiery. She said this: "Sometimes women grin and ask me mockingly: “Why are you still wearing pantyhose??” Then I smile and say: “Why don’t you ask your man? He can’t stop staring at my shiny nylon clad legs.” . And her reply is absolute bullzeye. I remember when I was driving years ago, I forgot to make a right turn because my eyes were fixed on incredibly beautiful legs in shiny pantyhose. It really happened and suddenly, when I somehow “woke up” from this dream situation and realized that I could have crashed, I felt my back get wet in an instant. What I’m trying to say is, if you truly love women, femininity, and everything related to this then it doesn’t matter how careful you are, a shiny pair of nylon legs in stiletto heels, or a woman wearing a fine delicate lacy lingerie will always hijack your mind. Nothing what you can do as a man, nothing. It’s a curse. And we men trust our eyes more than our brain. To see anything beautiful related to women makes most of us men quietly thinking “holy shirt” I wanna touch that, see that really close….The urge to have it close to our body is incredible. And if women don’t help out here (and why should they), then the alternative is to become united with these desires. I remember 20 years ago on a really cold winter day I decided to wear pantyhose under my jeans and my God what a sensational feeling it was, I was instantly hooked with no turning back. I remember thinking why do I have these thoughts, am I cross-dresser, why do I love this fabric against my skin yada-yada. Men are missing out on many things in this world and they don’t even know it. If we could live our life the way we want the world would be a far better place, but all we have is society norms. And I am a living example of it. My world crashed so hard on me you could think of any subject and multiply it by ten because yes, it happened, I lost everything. Because I dared to mention to my wife I like to wear pantyhose and there a companies who make pantyhose for men also. There, instant GAY and destruction of my world. Men are only expected to behave in a certain way, we have a whole set of rules and society’s expectations that cannot be stepped outside of. Most women live for themselves and not for the men, therefore they choose not to wear anything that pleases a man, they choose functional clothing, they sniff through mens closet to find what they want to wear on any particular day. A lot of women find that their men should accept them how they are and how they look, … but they are so jealous when he’s looking at a beautiful woman who dresses feminine. Even when she’s a girlfriend, a wife and mother, she still needs to be attractive for her man. And he needs to be attractive for his lady. But within all of this somehow the man is the one suffering. Am I a cross-dresser? No. Am I gay because I like to wear untraditional, beautiful lingerie? No. I’m a man with my own desires, rights, open mindset and way of living. Therefore, I expect the world to accept me as I am without judging what I wear. That’s why you’re not a cross-dresser either, it’s called accepting another person’s free will. It shall start from women, as men will follow when women accepts them. Men can be the head and women are neck….but neck turns the head, halleluja. The equation has been solved. Thank you Jules, keep up the good work, the world needs you.


Leave a comment


Please note, comments must be approved before they are published